Dear Ben Dietz,

In celebration of National Shrimp Day, the Vacation® Crustacean Committee has conducted extensive research and deliberation to bring you the ultimate guide to shrimp cocktail consumption. For as long as we have had cocktail glasses, we have placed shrimp in them. An optimal method of delivery, yet the dégustation process has evolved over the decades. We are proud to unveil the below “Six Step Procedure” for indulging in this famed prawn-based appetizer, so you can enjoy it with the utmost standards whilst lounging poolside.

Select your eating utensil, preferably one with long tines. Perform a “shine check” by angling it towards the light to confirm its cleanliness before “digging in.”

Pinch your desired shrimp by hand and carefully liberate it from its martini glass. Alternatively, if a communal shrimp cocktail ice plate is present, gracefully fork it and return it to your plate.

Begin slicing, and utilize the downtime to engage in light conversation of the latest poolside trends. Why yes, the new cabana bar on Calle Ocho looks exquisite to say the least.

Once your plated shrimp is properly divvied, generously lubricate it with the supplied cocktail sauce. Remember: double dipping is uncouth, even for neophytes.

Take a morsel and relish in the perfectly balanced harmony of flavors. Remain in the present moment, allowing each bite to be appreciated fully. There is no need for conversation— only shrimp.

Take a sip of crisp white wine and repeat the process from step one until you are satisfied both gustatorily and conversationally. Magnifique.