If you celebrate Easter, you might be feeling a little nervous. Extended families will be coming together, and that might create tension. Our generation of parents is rethinking parenting and trying to do things differently from our parents. And change creates friction, especially when your child’s grandparents think “I did my best, and you turned out just fine”. 

There are massive generational differences in values, parenting styles, approaches to discipline, and lots more. But extended family or other members of your community may not like that change and push back against you in toxic ways. How do you deal with that in a way that creates safety, and respect, and shows your kids how to handle conflict?

DEFINE YOUR TERMS

The first step in dealing with toxic pushback from family is to clarify your own values and expectations. If you don’t, you will be on your heels and scrambling to explain yourself. Not a setup for success.

• Write it down - What are your values? What rules or routines do you expect others to follow around your children? What words, phrases, or topics do you want people to avoid using around your children? Writing all this down will help you commit to yourself. Keeping it all in your head makes it squishy. 

• Align - Another upside to writing it all down is that you can share your thoughts with your partner or other family members who you trust. If you don’t align with your partner ahead of time, tension with your family may also create problems in your own relationship. 

• Choose your words - How will you communicate your values and expectations with family? Choose simple words and mantras so you don’t have to brainstorm on the spot. Consider rabbit holes you don’t want to go down with people, and how you will avoid them.

• Be ready to walk away - The hardest part of defining your boundaries is you have to be comfortable walking away from a situation or person if you feel they are emotionally or psychologically unsafe for you or your family. Accepting this early with yourself and your partner will help you navigate this decision if it’s needed down the road.