"Time doesn’t heal all wounds; it just gives them space to sink into the subconscious, where they will still impact your emotions and behaviors. What heals is going inward, loving yourself, accepting yourself, listening to your needs, addressing your attachments and emotional history, and learning how to let go and follow your intuition."

–Yung Pueblo Clarity & Connection

Dear friends,

‘Tis the season for competitive games of Uno, Coquito, mac n’ cheese, matching family pajamas, gift-giving, and the Boyz II Men winter classic, "Let It Snow." For many, joy and gratitude are synonymous with this time of year. For others like myself, this time of year can trigger and serve as a reminder of what was lost. 

If you weren’t able to join us for DAIP’s December Unfiltered Coffee Chat, we discussed how to prioritize mental health and radical self-care to benefit our personal relationships and for the sake of harmony in the workplace. My Unfiltered co-facilitator, Vanessa Vigil, has authored a blog post for DAIP that expands on topics we covered that day. Our Unfiltered conversation and copious studies highlight that I’m not alone in my mental health struggles–particularly during this time of year. 

It’s no secret that Americans are suffering an epidemic of mental health crises, which is particularly pervasive within the BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color) community. My community has been disproportionately impacted by various forms of trauma, ranging from systemic racism, discrimination, historical injustices, and intergenerational trauma. According to the American Psychological Association, 38% of people surveyed said their stress increased during the holiday season, which we know leads to an exaggeration of physical illness, depression, anxiety, and substance misuse. Additionally, up to 10% of Americans suffer from seasonal affective disorder, or SAD—a type of depression that worsens in the winter months.

But while it’s important to raise awareness about the mental health struggles that impact millions, we must also remember to humanize these statistics. Even if you’re not personally impacted, it’s certain that people in your life are, and it’s crucial that we recognize and address the problem. 

At 38, I’ve realized that the most challenging thing about adulthood is parenting myself—and it’s practically a full-time job. I’m constantly working to emancipate myself from antiquated beliefs and toxic learned behaviors and seeking the principles and practices of a lifestyle conducive to health and peace. 

I’ve never been one to shy away from talking about my dysfunctional upbringing since I know that physical and emotional abuse and neglect are not exclusive to my journey. My primary caregiver had a dual diagnosis of substance use disorder and mental illness. It infuriated me that the love I had for my mother was not enough to help her overcome her demons. In my younger years, I lacked compassion, understanding, and grace for the challenges she faced. Now, as a father, husband, and an adult child, I realize that my mother was simply a broken person who was also a parent. She spent the majority of her existence struggling with ineffective and unhealthy coping mechanisms to overcome her own past trauma. 

Another traumatic experience has haunted me since young adulthood. When I was 18, a dear friend, Shantel Bailey, was struck by a car and took her last breath in my arms. This experience nearly broke me. As Toni Morrison said, ”We don’t always survive whole. Sometimes, we survive in part.” 

The silver lining of being vulnerable about my painful experiences is that it can guide me to a community of cathartic relationships with others who relate. Sharing has helped me cultivate optimism, emotional sobriety, and healthy vehicles to meet my basic needs. Despite the challenges that life throws our way, we can transform our broken pieces into something truly beautiful with perseverance, community, and a positive outlook. 

Here are a few concepts that helped me immensely in my healing journey. 

• The brilliant addiction expert Dr. Gabor Maté’s theory is that “The first question is not why the addiction; it's why the pain? And from my perspective, it's always rooted in childhood trauma, either overt or covert.” 
  
  
• Learning the pathology of addiction, particularly Marilyn Murray’s three selves theory. Murray developed this concept that she calls “Scindo Syndrome” (using slightly different names for each self, which she usually calls “child”), where there is the Original Self, Wounded Self, and Survivor Self. Her methods allow me to audit my coping skills and grant me grace with my own healing journey.
  
  
• Referencing a feelings chart to identify core emotions daily and define my emotions operationally. This practice helps me cultivate self-awareness, build healthy relationships, and understand my needs. 
  
  
• Tony Robbins’s 6 Human Needs, which he argues, drives every decision we make from the moment we’re born until the day we die. While we will unconsciously constantly pursue these needs, the challenge is to consider the vehicles we use to meet them. 

I hope some of these takeaways from my healing journey can be helpful to you, especially in building empathy for those around you who may be struggling. 

During the holiday season, as you engage in conversations with colleagues, loved ones, and even acquaintances, keep in mind how challenging this season of increased stress and mental health struggles can be. Creating a safe and positive environment for those around us is a powerful way to show kindness, compassion, and support for those who need it most. 

Here are some things you can do to raise awareness and provide support.

1. Educate Yourself: Take the time to learn about depression, mental illness, and illnesses such as dementia. Understanding the signs, symptoms, and challenges faced by those affected can help you be more supportive and empathetic.
   
   
2. Open Conversation: Encourage open and honest conversations about mental health within your family and circle of friends. By breaking the silence, you create a safe space for individuals to share their experiences and seek support if needed.
   
   
3. Be Mindful: The holiday season can overwhelm many people. Be aware of changes in behavior, mood, or withdrawal from social activities. Contact your loved ones and offer a listening ear or a helping hand.
   
   
4. Practice Self-Care: Taking care of your mental health is equally important. Prioritize self-care, set boundaries, and engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. By taking care of yourself, you can better support others.
   
   
5. Seek Professional Help: If you or your loved ones are experiencing persistent symptoms of depression or other mental illness, encourage them to seek professional help. Mental health professionals are trained to provide guidance and support through contact helplines, one-on-one psychological care, and support groups.
   
   
6. Support Local Organizations: Consider supporting local organizations focusing on mental health awareness and providing resources for those in need. Donating your time, money, or skills can make a significant impact.

Engaging in even some of these steps will create a more compassionate and inclusive environment for everyone around us.

Wishing you a holiday season filled with love, understanding, and support!

Here is a roundup of events hosted by DAIP, our partners, or like-minded organizations.

(In person) Sunday, January 21, from noon - 1:30 p.m. Join the Lifespan Community Health Institute and the First Unitarian Church for this free workshop addressing different forms of neurodiversity that are likely to be encountered at home, at work, or in spiritual settings. Free and open to the public. Learn more here.  

(In person) Friday, January 26, from 10 - 11:30 a.m. Join United Way of Rhode Island at the Southside Cultural Center of Rhode Island for Earned Income Tax Credit (EITC) Awareness Day and to kick off RI’s 2024 statewide Volunteer Income Tax Assistance (VITA) program. Unite with committed leaders and volunteers working towards making this initiative a leading driver toward economic empowerment. Learn more or register here. 

Interested in featuring your organization, event, or opportunity in DAIP’s Community Updates & Events? Reach out to information@daip.us to learn more. 

Editor’s Note: This holiday season, we encourage you to support your communities in the many ways they celebrate. We'd also like to thank all the amazing community organizations (across sectors and industries) that hosted incredible events this year. We look forward to continuing to share your events and elevating the work you do within the DEI space in 2024.

Thank you to all who contributed their time & expertise to this issue: Greg Brunson, Vanessa Vigil, Jenny Bautista-Ravreby, Megan Begin, Osmary Rodriguez Barker, and Katie Neves.