the agenda.
i. cry baby summer
ii. wet & wavy
iii. orgasmic cartography
iv. cry baby thrival kit
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01
Cry Baby Summer: The Rules
Still longing for a 'Hot Girl Summer' while the world feels like a patriarchal death rattle?
*Sighs* me too.
But Cancer's claim on this piece of summer wants us guttural, exposed, and covered in Big Dick Emotional Energy.
So if we're going to get the most out of this... arrangement... we need to learn his rules.
Rule #1: Get on Your Knees (Metaphorically... Unless?)
His primary turn-on is your undivided attention. This szn wants you present, focused, and ready to receive. Drop your phone. Close the other tabs in your brain. When you are with him, you are with him. He's here to make an absolute mess of your carefully curated composure. Cancer's using that BDEE to find all the spots you've been hiding. Let him. The only thing you need to submit is your bullshit.
PG: Practice radical presence. When a strong feeling arises, stop multitasking. Close the tabs. Put down the phone. Give that single emotion your full, undivided attention for five minutes. Be a witness.
Rule #2: He Wants You Dripping.
His primary love language is salt water. I'm talking tears, sweat, the ocean—every kind of delicious, messy, life-affirming fluid. He wants to see your release. The rage tears after a fight, The sweat on your brow when you're doing the hard work. And yes, the slick, undeniable proof that he's hitting all the right spots.
He knows the best orgasms are baptized in tears and this szn wants you dripping with feeling. Don't you dare hold back the flood. Emotional suppression makes you dry, brittle, and boring. We're not here for boring. This is Cry Baby Summer, after all.
PG: Grant yourself permission for somatic release. Your body is designed to move emotion. If you feel tears welling up, let them fall. If you feel the need for a physical release, schedule time for a workout, a dance session, or a date with yourself. Do not let the energy get stagnant.
Rule #3: The Breakdown Is the Orgasm.
He wants all of you. Not the polite, "good girl", socially accepted version. He wants your unhinged, guttural truth. He's here for the moment you shatter. He wants to hear that sign of relief when he finally touches the part of your soul you thought no one could reach. The sudden urge to scream into a couch cushion? Do it. The overwhelming desire to burn your old life down? Tell him. The feeling that you are a raw, exposed nerve is the feeling of you finally asking for what you really need. And a good Daddy always provides.
PG: Stop fearing the peak of your emotions. That searing hot flash of rage or the gut-wrenching ache of grief is a survivable physiological event designed to move through you. Your only job is to stay present in your body for the 90 seconds it takes for the chemical cocktail of that emotion to crest. Just survive the peak.
Rule #4: Aftercare Is Not Optional.
Daddy didn't just drag you into the depths to leave you there, shivering and spent. The work isn't done when the screaming stops. The integration that happens in the quiet moments after the storm is the most crucial part of the scene. They want to see you put yourself back together as the new, more integrated version of you. The afterglow is a vital part of the process. They demand you bask in it.
PG: Integrate with intention. After a major emotional release, do not immediately jump back into the chaos of life. Create a 15-minute buffer of deliberate gentleness. Take a warm shower. Make a cup of tea. Journal about the experience. Wrap yourself in a heavy blanket. Your nervous system needs time to process the upgrade.
Rule #5: Ride Your Own Wave.
This scene was never about him. It was always about you. BDEE is just a catalyst. Your body is the playground, and those chaotic emotional waves are the main attraction. The cosmos are here to watch you ride your own energy until you're exhausted and exhilarated. They find your internal rhythm fascinating af. So get on top of that feeling and ride it for all it's worth. Show them what you're made of.
PG: Take ownership of your emotional state. Recognize that the feeling is an energetic wave passing through you, not a permanent state of being. Your job is to be the surfer, not the wave. Observe its rhythm, respect its power, and trust that you have the strength to ride it until it reaches the shore.
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02
Wet & Wavy: Navigating Your Emotional Depths
With all the talk of BDEE and Daddy Cancer swirling around, it's time to slide out of their drippy innuendos and into your own emotional depths via Human Design.
And look, if you're already deep into your HD chart, I may not be telling you anything new. And that's fine with me.
Because I know from my one-on-one sessions with you lovely creatures, knowing doesn't translate to doing.
(facepalm)
So this is a refresher course + reminder for the whole squad.
We're going straight for the command center.
Pull up your chart. Let's get into it.
If Your Emotional Center is DEFINED:
You're the source.
The juice.
The drip.
The squeeze.
That BDEE originates in your chemistry. Your emotional state is a consistent, rolling chemical process, moving from peak to valley, and every stop on that ride is valid. The prime directive is this: STOP MAKING PERMANENT DECISIONS BASED ON TEMPORARY EMOTIONS. Your clarity never, ever lives in the heat of the moment. It waits for you in the calm water after the wave has crested and crashed.
Your wave follows a specific chemistry, hard-wired by the channels in your chart:
Collective Wave - channel 41-30 or 36-35:
Yours is a crashing wave of desire built on expectation for an experience. It steadily builds in anticipation and then falls away dramatically after it’s over.
The Work: Getting painfully honest about your expectations. Ask: Where am I placing an expectation for a specific, predetermined outcome? It's so human and normal for us to unconsciously place expectations. Like trying to craft a relationship on potential alone. In this space of expectation you will be hit the hardest when reality inevitably shows up. Especially if it's different from what you've envisioned.
I'm not saying don't have expectations, I'm saying be mindful of what they are and the different contexts around them. Being clear and upfront when they involve other people. Humans are fallible creatures. Ditching your attachment to a fixed result saves you from disappointment manufactured by your own mind.
It also helps you sniff out when others are projecting their expectations onto you, allowing you to sidestep emotional contracts you never signed up for.
Individual Wave - channel 39-55 or 22-12:
Yours is a moody, dramatic, acoustic pulse of melancholy and passion. It is pure chemistry with no logical reason.
The Work: Stop trying to find a "reason" for your mood. Your melancholy is a fertile, creative state, not a problem to be fixed. The assignment is to honor the pulse. When you're "in the mood," do. create. When you're not, don't force it. The life-changing move is learning to say, "I'm in a low-pulse mood, it has nothing to do with you." It's a sentence that builds empires of trust.
Tribal Wave - channel 19-49 or 37-40:
Your emotions are deeply tied to touch, support, and loyalty. Your wave builds up slowly like a ratchet, based on needs being met (or not) within your close circle, and often 'breaks' or resets after a release.
The Work: Get forensic about the unspoken contracts in your key relationships. Your emotional well-being is directly linked to the health of these bonds. The assignment is to clarify needs and bargains before your emotional wave builds to a breaking point. This helps to prevent resentment and ensures the support you give and receive is clean, powerful, and actually nourishing.
If Your Emotional Center is Undefined or Open:
You're an emotional sponge. You take in the waves from the Defined folks around you and amplify that shit. (And if your center is completely open, you've likely perfected the art of conflict avoidance just to keep everyone else’s emotional tsunami from flooding your space.) When you're hit with a sudden, overwhelming feeling, odds are, it's not even yours.
Your main assignment for Cry Baby Summer is to stop carrying around people's emotional baggage. Look at the situation for what it is and ask, "Is this feeling even mine?" Then, give yourself some space to discharge the energy.
Another layer of that is teaching your terrified mind to take a fucking seat.
Your open emotional system is just tasting the weather, but your mind creates a whole narrative around it, trying to solve a feeling that was never your problem to begin with. Train your brain to say, "Noted. Anxiety is in the air," instead of "OMG, I'M ANXIOUS, WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?"
But telling you to "train your brain" is easy.
Doing it is another story.
Change happens on manual mode.
To break that habit, you need to create a conscious interruption.
Here’s what worked for me:
When you feel that spiral starting, create a physical anchor. Tap your wrist, your nose, your thigh, something to jolt your awareness back to the present.
That's your signal.
In that moment, you consciously grab that spiraling thought "OMG, I'M ANXIOUS" and manually move it. You tell it, "Noted. Anxiety is in the air, but it's not mine to solve."
The first fifty times you do this, it will feel clunky and ridiculous. But every time you catch the old pattern and manually shift it, you are forging a new neural pathway. Eventually, your brain gets so used to you making the correction that it starts to self-correct.
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03
Orgasmic Cartography: Your Pleasure Universe
So why am I suddenly talking about orgasms?
Well, because, it's a feeling, and because my brain is an unintentional smut factory, but mostly because after you've identified the emotional baggage and audited your energetic wiring, the work must come home to the body. It’s where the trauma is stored and where liberation is felt.
And that's what I'm here for.
An orgasm is a full-body emotional event. It's a physiological pressure valve for the grief, rage and whatever else this season is serving up. Owning your pleasure is a critical part of the "escape plan".
You cannot be a hostage if you are fully present and aware of WTF is going on.
That being said,
foreplay is not optional. Especially with yourself.
For the deeper spots like the A-spot or O-spot, you can't just shoot straight for the target. Your body needs to be fully aroused, relaxed, and welcoming. Arousal literally changes the internal landscape of your vagina—it lubricates, elongates, and the cervix moves up and back. Without that state change, something that could be a "hell yes" becomes a painful, hard "no."
Too many of us go straight for the orgasm without any warm-up. Let's change that. Self-foreplay is a practice in patience and presence.
how to start:
Set the Scene: This isn't a race. Lock the door. Dim the lights. Put on music that makes you feel something. Make it a ritual.
The 5-Minute Rule: Spend at least 5 minutes exploring your entire body except for your clitoris. Your neck, your breasts, your stomach, your inner thighs. Learn what non-genital touch feels good. Build the anticipation.
Tease the Gates: Focus on the outer vulva before even thinking about going inside. Trace your outer lips. Use different pressures on the entryway. See how much pleasure you can build before you hit the main event.
Engage Your Brain: Your mind is the control center. Read, listen to or visualize something that turns you on. Let your imagination run feral.
The Map: Official & Uncharted Coordinates
The Clitoris: The Command Center. The mothership. The undisputed babe you already know. But remember, the visible part is just the tip of the iceberg. The internal structure is a wishbone of erectile tissue. Treat her with the reverence she deserves. This external and internal structure thrives on a variety of touch—direct, indirect, oral, manual, vibrated. Explore different pressures and patterns. She is often the key to unlocking deeper and more varied orgasms.
The Entryway: Don't underestimate the power of the immediate threshold of your vagina. This area has a high concentration of nerve endings. Play here with fingers, tongues, or toys using shallow insertions and teasing motions. Build heat and anticipation.
The Outer Lips: The Gates. Don’t just rush past them to get inside. They’re packed with nerve endings and respond to teasing and pressure. Good foreplay starts here.
The Pubic Bone: The Power Press. Not a pleasure spot itself, but a strategic tool. Applying external pressure here can grind against the clitoral root from the inside out.
The G-Spot: Old Faithful. A swatch of spongy tissue a couple of inches up the front wall (toward your belly button). She’s famous for a reason. Responds to firm, consistent, "come hither" pressure. This spot usually responds best to consistent, focused attention.
The A-Spot: The Secret Spring. Journey a bit deeper past the G-spot, almost to the cervix, then ease back slightly to find the upper wall. A "Oh Fuck, what was that?" discovery for many.
The O-Spot: The Deep End. Located deep on the "back" wall of the vagina (toward your tailbone). Find the cervix and then draw back slightly, this time focusing pressure on the lower wall of the vaginal canal. This spot is associated with "full-feeling" orgasms that seem to emanate from your core. This is advanced territory that requires deep, targeted pressure. This area can also be explored anally for the sexually adventurous.
Off the Map (Uncharted Territory):
The Mind: The Real Command Center. You can touch all the right buttons, but if your head isn't in the game, the system won't come online. Your brain is your largest and most powerful sex organ. The decision to let go, the release of your daily anxieties, the willingness to feel completely, that's what turns a physical sensation into a back-bucking orgasm. Without it, you're just pushing buttons on a machine that's turned off.
The Cervix: The Final Boss. This isn't a casual destination. For some, it's a zone of intense, deep, almost spiritual pleasure. For others, it's a hard "nope." There is no right answer. The key is slow, mindful pressure, usually when you are already very aroused. Your body will tell you immediately if the door is open. Listen to her.
The Perineum: The Backdoor Bridge. That stretch of skin between your vaginal opening and your anus? It’s a goddamn superhighway of nerve endings. External pressure, vibration, or touch here during sex can be an unexpected and explosive shortcut to the main event. Do not neglect it.
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04
Cry Baby Thrival Kit
You’ve learned the rules of the season, surfed in your energetic wiring, mapped your way through to some truly apocalyptic orgasms (hopefully) and are now well on your way to owning the full force of your emotional spectrum.
But how do you thrive when the emotional tides are too high and the world still expects you to clock into a 9-to-5, raise kids, stay hopeful, run a business, buy groceries and keep your shit together amongst the fuckery of it all?
Honestly, I'm still figuring that part out...
But here are some of my tried and true self-preservation go-to's for when you're overwhelmed AF.
1. Master the Bare Minimum Pivot.
We don't give up, we strategically conserve our energy. Your to-do list is not a sacred text. Look at it. What are the 1-3 things that, if done, will keep the wheels on for the next 24 hours? The rest is noise. Do the bare minimum required to honor your energy.
2. Occupy Your Body.
Anxious, overwhelming thoughts thrive in the abstract chaos of the future or the past. Your most powerful tool for interrupting that spiral is to force your consciousness into the present, physical moment. This is a somatic grounding practice. Anchor your awareness in a tangible sensation. Feel the texture of the steering wheel under your hands, the weight of your ass in your chair, the cool from a cup of iced coffee. It pulls your focus from the uncontrollable macro-disaster to the immediate micro-reality of your own body, giving your nervous system a foothold in the here and now.
3. Practice Energetic Sovereignty.
Your attention is your most valuable and easily depleted resource. Treating it that way is a foundational practice in managing your cognitive load and preventing burnout. You are the sole authority on what you allow into your energetic space. Set a hard boundary on your information intake. This could look like a non-negotiable 20-minute timer for news in the morning or muting specific words and accounts that consistently drain you. You get to choose where to direct your power. Make sure it's being used for what you value, not drained away by things designed to provoke and exhaust you.
4. Execute a Pattern Interrupt.
Your brain loves an efficiency hack, and a negative thought loop is brutally efficient. To break out of it, you need to jolt the system with a novel action. When you feel stuck in a spiral of dread or frustration, you need to physically interrupt the pattern. Stand up and stretch toward the ceiling for ten seconds. Put on a song from a completely different era of your life and listen to the whole thing. Walk into another room and notice five things you've never paid attention to before. This is embodied cognition where the physical shift forces a mental one, derailing the runaway thought train and creating a space for a new one to begin.
5. Write Your 'Done' List.
At the end of the day, before you start tallying up what you failed to do, catalog your labor. Write down every single thing you accomplished. Don't gloss over the invisible work. "Kept a small human alive." "Endured a meeting that could have been an email." "Got out of bed." "Felt an emotion and didn't immediately numb it." "Paid a bill." This practice creates tangible, undeniable evidence of your own effort. The pleasure is in the validation, in seeing the sheer volume of your output, and in telling the voice that says you're not doing enough to go fuck itself.
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I know the world is wild right now and the collective emotional tax is high AF. Be gentle with yourselves, but don't be meek.
✴Ailuros
P.S. When I was putting this newsletter together, I went on a tangent about the emotional baggage we inherit... If you're in the mood to do a forensic audit on the emotional stuff, you can read that deleted scene here.
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Be in a loving and committed relationship with your own competency. |
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Its Me Baby - Ailuros, this isn't a cult. You can Unsubscribe at any time.
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